When we see challenges as setbacks or stressful situations, it's a chance to change our perspective and learn from them.

Imagine two graduates with the same talent at their first jobs. Both are laid off within a year due to downsizing. Both are laid off within a year due to downsizing.

The way we perceive life, and everything we encounter is fundamentally affected by our perspective.

Redefining Stressful Setbacks

The perception of something being more than you can handle can be described as stress. We are more likely to overcome challenges (or at least begin to find a way forward) when we perceive them as surmountable. Conversely, we are more likely to fail when we view them as an opportunity for failure. This may seem like the most cliched and hackneyed advice you've ever heard, but it's a basis of resilience research.

Resilience depends on our perception of life. We may feel anxious or worried when we see our child perform for the first time. These thoughts are layered with assumptions, perspectives, and mental filters. She will embarrass herself; I have to do something to help her. When we believe our job is to protect children from all, the moment on stage can be a miserable experience. When we accept that we can't protect our children from all harm, but have done our best to do so, our experience changes. I feel almost as anxious as she does! I hope it all goes well, but I am here if it doesn't.

The perception is malleable. This is the focus of military resilience training. Participants examine mental pitfalls - habitual distortions which undermine emotional well-being. They can be as straightforward as believing that asking for help means admitting failure. These "icebergs" can be as simple as catastrophizing and thinking of the worst outcome in every situation or minimizing and ignoring what overwhelms them. One could be an inner critic that is overly active, telling us we're not good enough at managing. All of these are filters that distort perspective and take us away from resilience.

We learn, through mindfulness, to question our patterns and see what we can do to improve them. Is our perspective rigid, reactive, or full of uncertainty? We observe and redirect our behavior until we develop new habits. She's up there on her own now. I'm nervous, but I need to let it go. The idea is not that every obstacle leads to growth but that we will overcome it.

We observe and redirect ourselves with curiosity without shaming ourselves or trying to force ourselves into being unnaturally cheerful.

Change and uncertainty are part of life. If the only way to relieve stress is to fight uncertainty, we will only cause unnecessary stress. After all, certainty never comes. Stress can also affect our daily choices.

We often undermine our good intentions when we try to fix everything and strive for the perfect picture of happiness. Taking action at the right time is essential, but sometimes it's better to pause and let things happen. We can change our perspective by accepting that we can't know everything or that every outcome is expected. We are far from being our most resilient and skilled selves when we believe that life is anything but uncertain and constantly changing.

Mindfulness Practices: 10 Ways To Build Resilience Into Your Day

1) Be aware of how you respond to challenges. We can make unpleasant situations even worse by adding to them. Take note of how you feel, what emotions you have, and what thoughts you are thinking. Do you imagine difficulties in the future? Are you engulfed in resentment or regret? Separate your perspectives (This is not what you should be doing! It never changes. The experience made me think, "I should be able to manage this myself." Children are more likely to learn from your actions rather than your words. Your resilience and handling adversity in front of them will affect theirs.

2) Be aware of your attitude towards setbacks. So many attitudes toward adversity sound like facts. They are all like that. My child will not... I am not a person who would ever... You can change your life by recognizing and accepting the assumptions you make.

3) Stop yourself using the STOP technique. When you feel off balance because of a problematic situation, pause. Stop Whatever you're doing. Take A Few Slow Breaths. Observe What's Going on Around You and In Your Mind. Pick How to Proceed.

4) Incorporate mindful moments in your daily routine to increase resilience. These suggestions are adapted from the American Psychological Association guidelines. provide a framework to shift perceptions and build strength.

Connect with family and friends and ask for help when needed.

6) Watch for mental traps. Pause, label (Catastrophizing Again), and redirect. If you feel overwhelmed by fear, acknowledge it and focus on an excellent first step. I will at least call the pediatrician and get a referral today.

Nurture your positive self-image. Stop your inner critic from sabotaging your efforts and instead focus on your strengths. Thank you anyway. I wish I had done it differently, but I didn't. So what is the best course of action?

8) Accept that uncertainty and change are part of life. Fighting with what is beyond our control is a common misconception that can undermine well-being. Separate the upsetting experience from the expectation that the event shouldn't events should not have occurred.

Develop small, attainable goals. Ask If a task seems impossible, what is one small thing I can do to move me in the right direction?

10) Engage in relaxing and enjoyable activities. 

Take care of yourself to maintain your body and mind for resilience.